I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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