We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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