there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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