im six kinds of drunk right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
