were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
