the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
