Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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