I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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