A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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