first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
