Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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