So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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