I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
