; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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