The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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