ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
