Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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