This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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