I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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