We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
