Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
