Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
