i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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