I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize