I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Are my feet made of real feet?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
