his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
