the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
