I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
