We won't sleep together?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
