if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
