Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
