i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
