Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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