we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm really busy with my period
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