So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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