I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
