We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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