Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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