The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
