It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
