This is not my ceiling
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
