I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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