I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
