the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
