i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
