no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
