Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We have started to decorate penises.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
