i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
