Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
