my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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