the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
