So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
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