The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
