omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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