Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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