sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
