I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
