I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
