My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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