The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
