I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
smell my finger.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
