There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
