Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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