1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
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Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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