its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My cat gives me a boner
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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